How to Adjust to the Sudden News of Divorce

Posted by: Dr. Justin D'Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP

What Can Individuals do to Adjust to the Sudden (or not so Sudden News) of Divorce?

Greff & Van Der Merwe (2004) ‘s have written about seven resiliency factors which contribute to stability for individuals and families after divorce. One should ensure that these areas are identified and then bolstered as how you cope with your divorce early on will impact your parenting and co-parenting.

1. Intra-family support (support within nuclear family).
2. Family support (support from extended family).
3. Support of friends.
4. Faith (belief in higher power or engaged in spiritual group).
5. Financial and work security (especially if the parent was female).
6. Alternative support resources (neighbors, schools, and churches).
7. Family hardiness (How well the family can handle a crisis).

There are other notable factors about divorce and gender that should be mentioned; for example, women turn to family and friends while men turn to other women. Divorce workshops have been found to improve resiliency after divorce.

Further, forgiveness is imperative. Forgiveness is not forgetting, but letting the hurt go. Forgiveness decreases rumination and provides people with a new way to think about their circumstances. Moreover, those that take responsibility for their new life will be more resilient and actually report becoming closer to family and friends in comparison to that in a pre-separation status. 

 If you want to find out more about managing a high conflict post divorce relationship or you are divorcing and need to take a parent education and family stabilization course, we offer both types of courses. 

High Conflict Co-Parenting Course

Parent Education and Family Stabilization Course